Robert Robus's fan mail

e-mail 1
sender: Shirley
recipient: Robert Robus

Oh, Robert! You are so adorable and attractive; in fact, I worship the ground you pontificate on! I wish you would post updates to The Musings of Robert Robus every hour--nay, every minute! Furthermore, I believe you to be the finest cybercomedian in the history of the world. (Actually, that is not my opinion--it's objective fact!) Please keep writing, Robert. . .keep writing, or women like me shall be plunged into the throes of, um, worshiping rock stars whose consciousness the definition of "abstemious" conspicuously escapes. I adore you, Robert!

Love,
Shirley

e-mail 2
sender: Danny
recipient: Robert Robus

Dear Robert Robus,

I've been reading your column since I first came upon it a month ago, and let me tell you: it's changed my life! I am five years old; and while such limited experience has not necessarily afforded me a sapient view of worldly phenomena, I assure you that I say with utmost confidence that your weblog instantiates the highest ideals of excellence I hold dear. Please keep writing! If you don't, I'll probably become disillusioned, and end up a derelict twenty-something who smokes clove cigarettes and writes poetry on garbage can lids. But, no pressure.

Sincerely,
Danny
kid

e-mail 3
sender: Tartar
recipient: Robert Robus

Hey Robert,

Who do you think you're fooling with that bologna? As if you could have adoring fans--pffff! There is little I could say that would be more ridiculous than that! In fact, you suck.

Worst wishes,
Tartar

P. S. Ha ha!

e-mail 4
response to previous message
sender: Robert Robus

I must confess that I have no idea what Tartar is talking about. While at first glance it might appear that I, Robert Robus, crafted adoring e-mails 1 and 2 in order to make it appear as if I were widely read and extolled, I assure you that that is not the case. In fact, I assure you that I, Robert Robus, really am that popular.

Case closed. Please return another day for more first-tier musings from the desk of your favorite cybercomedian, Robert Robus.