Robert Robus on bananas

The glorious jaundiced entities commonly known as bananas are widely revered as one of the most custardlike fruits known to man. And though the sweet flesh of these slender yellow fruits is highly and undoubtedly esculent, it is against the wishes of I, Robert Robus, ever to consume one. Why, you ask? Because I, Robert Robus, am not descended from apes.

As it happens, I am now in the deep south of this fine country; and, incidentally, a healthy specimen of banana tree (Treeus bananus) can be found not five metres distant from where I, Robert Robus, now stand. Yea, and upon my word!--those fruits sure look delicious! In fact, those pendulous lengths of goodness now appear so edible as to compel I, Robert Robus, to change my tune: I no longer eschew the consumption of such a sugared delicacy!

But wait! What is this I see? Why, it's an adult specimen of lowland gorilla; he's heading straight for that same banana tree; and boy, does he look mean! I shall address him:

Hey--you over there! Yes, I'm talking to you, you dumb ape! Grover, I insist that you relinquish that bunch of slender fruits (which you have so lately and avariciously plucked from yonder tree) to I, Robert Robus!--But what? You refuse? And, furthermore, are you growling at me? How dare you challenge I, you simian swine!

But lo! What is that rustling in the trees not ten yards off?--Why, it's a veritable pack of these infernal creatures. . .and, Jove, do they look irate! Readers, seeing as I, Robert Robus, now deem it prudent to abscond with the picayune stores of dignity that yet remain at my disposal, I hereby bid you adieu. Farewell, dear readers, and. . .hey, you confounded simian! Give me back my hat!