Robert Robus's top ten ways to be the best cybercomedian ever

Today, I have elected to introduce another feature to my repertoire of risible oratorio-verbalistic concatenations of humorous ambrosia. And thus, I present you with the first of Robert Robus's Top Tens.

Top ten ways to be the best cybercomedian ever

1. Be Robert Robus.
2. Write entries as hilarious as the ones of I, Robert Robus.
3. Pontificate endlessly in quasi-British manner.
4. Engage in ridiculous narratives both with and without thy best friend, Tartar.
5. Possess a pet monkey named Bates.
6. Miss trains.
7. Show contrariety toward radio announcers, especially those that have the good fortune to bear the name 'Benson Mooney.' (Hello, Benson, old chap!)
8. Say 'I'm sure if bears had sufficient intellectual capacity to know what esteem was, they'd hold me high in theirs' almost constantly.
9. Run fingers through female attendant Ayvana's hair plethorially at least twice a week.
10. Build a bionic anthropoid that thinks precisely like I, Robert Robus, and consult it when composing blog entries.