Robert Robus on grapes

Though a true connoisseur of fine fruits and natural goodness, I, Robert Robus, am perhaps especially fond of grapes: for they are one of the world's finest fruits. Indeed, aside from being luscious beyond account, I envisage grapes as constituting purple orbs of pure, unadulterated goodness. And Tartar, though most often appearing to differ in opinion with I, Robert Robus, on almost any conceivable subject, most assuredly agrees with me here.

Grapes, of course, can be eaten slowly, lusciously; that is why they are viewed by some to be the ideal date fruit. (And as a matter of fact, I, Robert Robus, always bring along several bushels of these orbs whenever I undertake to woo a dame.) They can also be eaten quickly; they can be eaten on a plane, in a train, and in any other transport modality; and they can be eaten with green eggs, with ham, and/or with irksomely persistent individuals named Sam. But perhaps most important, grapes may be trod on and transformed into one of the most fabulous beverages in the history of civilization: Wine!

At this juncture I must admit that I, Robert Robus, imbibe wine almost constantly. In fact, I have with me today a bottle of California shiraz, to illustrate to Robusionados just how superlative grapes truly are. My attractive female attendant, Ayvana (whom I met at a party last Friday) has just popped the cork for me; now she has just smilingly poured me a glass; now she has handed the goblet to me as if to say, "Robert Robus, you are suave and handsome beyond compare." I agree with that sentiment; and, as such, I will reward your excellent judgment by pouring you a glass in return. Yes, darling: let us get inebriated, and then proceed to a certain species of chamber in which sleeping and certain other acts are often performed, where we shall engage in such deeds as reading Tolstoy, propounding theories of aesthetics, and playing sudoku.

[NOTE FROM BLOG ADMINISTRATOR]
Robert Robus has just emitted a loud 'whoop,' downed his glass of wine in one gulp, and undertaken to french Ayvana, thus signaling the end of today's column. Please return another day for more from the desk of your favorite cybercomedian, Robert Robus.