A radio interview with Robert Robus

[The following interview takes place in the studio of Benson Mooney, head announcer for KLDA Radio, Los Angeles.]

Benson Mooney: Hello, dear listeners, and welcome to another day of hard talk and soft hits with me, Benson Mooney. Today we will be hearing from Johnny B. Slick, Jimmy and the Nutcrackers, and, of course, Morza. But perhaps more important, I have in my studio with me today a fine young gentleman and cybercomedian, Robert Robus, who, since late May of this year, has been maintaining a blog replete with amusing opinings and ridiculous narratives (both with and without his friend Tartar). He reports that he is one of the finest cybercomedians in the world, and that legions and legions of fans read his blog every day. How are you doing today, Robert?

Robert Robus: I, Robert Robus, am fine, thank you.

Benson Mooney: That's good to hear. Now I must say, Mr. Robus, that I have been to your blog several times--the URL, by the way, dear listeners, is http://robertrobus.blogspot.com; or you can google him--and I found it quite amusing and preposterous. How, Robert Robus, do you do it?

Robert Robus: I, Robert Robus, do not need to exert much effort: for I, Robert Robus, am naturally brilliant.

Benson Mooney: I don't doubt it, Mr. Robus. Now, many of my listeners out there have called in during the past week (in which, coincidentally, the promotionals were running) dying to know more about you. For example, one "Jaybirt" called in this last Tuesday wondering what your favorite bands are; one "Shirley" called in to inquire what you liked to do in your spare time; and one "Flaffie" got on the line to probe your opinion on lemons.

Robert Robus: Well, Benson, I'm sure Jaybirt will be gratified to hear that I enjoy the strains of Johnny B. Slick, Jimmy and the Nutcrackers, and Morza; Shirley will be interested that I enjoy playing cricket and being trampled by herds of wild beasts; and Flaffie will be flabbergasted to discover that I have no opinion at all on lemons.

Benson Mooney: No opinion at all on lemons? Why, Mr. Robus, I must say that I am surprised. After many of my listeners and I have come to count on you, Robert Robus, for hilarious opinions on everything from strawberry shortcake to ball bearings, how could it come to be that you have no opinion at all on lemons?

Robert Robus: I don't know the answer to that inquiry, Benson. I just don't think about them much, that's all.

Benson Mooney: I must say, Robert Robus, that I, Benson Mooney, am highly disappointed in you. And thus, despite having promised you a long and highly laudatory publicity spot, or "interview," I shall now cut said interview short and put on some Crocodile C.

Robert Robus: No! You can't do this to me, Benson Mooney: for I (Robert Robus) am the world's most vaunted cybercomedian!

Benson Mooney: Yes, I can. However, I will grant you one stipulation: if you post a blog entry, within the next thirty days, putting forth one by one your thoughts on lemons, I, Benson Mooney, will consider making amends. Now, folks, how about some Crocodile C? Here's one that sounds exactly like all other elevator-jazz drivel, but is, experts say, actually a distinct piece. Roll it, boys.