A dialogue on books

Robert Robus: I, Robert Robus, am a very bookish gentleman; in fact, I read them almost constantly. Whether it is the works of Chaucer, Spenser, or Milton; a masterpiece of Cervantes, Dostoyevsky, or Flaubert; or a modern novel of horror, detectives or romance; I, Robert Robus, have read more pages during the course of my existence than Stephen Hawking has neurons.

Ahnd, while some are in the habit of saying, "I've been reading since I was five," or "I've been reading since I was six," they really mean nothing of the sort. But on the contrary, I, Robert Robus, have actually been reading since I was five years old. To be sure, I take occasional breaks to dust the china or polish my loafers; but, in sum, I read books almost constantly.

Tartar: Uh. . .what's a book?

Robert Robus: Why, it's a learning implement consisting of a sheaf of pages bound together by glue and other modalities.

Tartar: Oh. Do they make cool noises?

Robert Robus: Um. . . no.

Tartar: Can they play MP3s?

Robert Robus: Um. . .no.

Tartar: Are they edible?

Robert Robert: No, Tartar; but verily, I believe you are missing the point. Though books--apart from that euphonious flipping of the pages--are silent; though they have no multimedia or hyperlinking capabilities; and though from them nutriment cannot be derived; they are only the more glorious for lacking such cheap and gaudy features as you put forth, my dear friend.

Tartar: What's a hyperlink?

Robert Robus: A highly stokèd portion of a chain, I imagine.

Tartar: No! It's a strand of the Web, you nincompoop!

Robert Robus: Virgil mentions nothing of that sort in his Ecologues. For that reason, I refuse to give heed to the possibility that something called a "hyperlink" does, in fact, exist--outside the world of metallic catenae, that is. (The word which I have so lately and abstrusely plied is Latin for "concatenations.")

Tartar: Have you ever kissed a woman?

Robert Robus: I've certainly read many stories containing such scenes in which the labial accoutrements of two individuals of the opposite coitus happened to meet. But in any event, dear Tartar, the question is ridiculous and absurd!

[NOTE FROM BLOG ADMINISTRATOR]
I find I must concur with that sentiment. At any rate, Robusionados, please come back another day for more from the desk of Robert Robus, your favorite and most vaunted cybercomedian.