Robert Robus consoles a college sophomore very dear to he

I, Robert Robus, have recently been saddened by the news that a certain college sophomore very dear to I, Robert Robus, has been mired in a state of dysphoria. Now first, let us note that dysphoria is rather more prevalent among sophomores than in students of any other stature. Second of all, let us note that the word 'sophomores' is pronounced in three syllables, not two: SAWF-UH-MORZ, SAWF-UH-MORZ, SAWF-UH-MORZ. And ninth, Robert Robus loves this particular sophomore, whom he has known practically since the birth of the sophomore. So he sends out his sincerest best wishes to he, and lets him know that he may e-mail I, Robert Robus, at rrobus (underscore) 1 (at) yahoo (dot) com, any time he feels dysphoric and believes he would derive consolation from a correspondence with the cybercomedian.

Robert Robus notes that it is always good to be aware of university policies, whether or not use will actually be made of them. He also reminds the sophomore that life is better ingested when broken up into bite-sized chunks, not unlike the neanderthals who consumed mammoths in the fifth century BCE or years proximate. But surely, some sophomores might prefer, in this our modern age, to think in terms of large blocks of tofu chopped into delicious little cubes--and, for his part, this cybercomedian approves said conception. The process, of course, also bears a striking resemblance to a string of pearls--or perhaps a rosary.

Robert Robus sends all his best wishes to the sophomore in question, and hopes that the column of he, Robert Robus, has inspired him to devour his books in small, bite-sized pieces--and, yes, Robert Robus is speaking metaphorically.

Love,
Robert Robus