Robert Robus's top ten ways to get your keister in a sling

1. Anger ogres.
2. Brutalize bodybuilders.
3. Yell "Motel 6 sucks!" at a truckers' convention.
4. Ride a unicycle while juggling seven bowling pins, talking on a cell phone with Deepak Chopra, and carrying a six-foot-in-diameter platinum ball in the leftmost pocket of your blazer.
5. Disregard the laws of the universe (gravity's a favorite).
6. Jump out of floor 110 of the Sears Tower without a parachute.
7. Walk into a crowded temp agency wearing only a Rolex.
8. Be unintelligent to an offensive degree (and open your mouth).
9. Roll in a bed of rotting meat, and subsequently "join" a pack of werewolves.
10. Be stupid enough to take any of these Robuslike suggestions out into the actual world.

Note to readers:
Do not try any of these things! Getting your keister in a sling, it will be noted, is not desirable.