Robert Robus's top ten signs you've been eating too many doughnuts

1. Can no longer tell where chin ends and neck begins.
2. Your pants--which have an elastic waistband (and were bought in the largest size)--have nevertheless snapped.
3. You've bought stock in Dunkin' Donuts.
4. What shoes?
5. The doughnuts you've consumed over the past fortnight, if piled one on top of another, would stretch from Earth to Uranus and back. . .25 times.
6. During a trip to the local marina last week, you were asked to leave after patrons complained that you'd sunk your teeth into a large, brown life preserver.
7. You now outweigh all players who have ever played for the Miami Dolphins--combined.
8. You tried to enter a sumo-wrestling contest last week, only to discover you'd exceeded the limit for the highest weight class by 350 pounds.
9. What? Those haven't been oversized, discolored Cheerios? That explains a lot.
10. Tartar's mad at you.