Wronged, but not angry

Though it is nothing new, I would like to point out that I, Robert Robus, have been wronged again. Keep in mind, dear readers, both that, as an American cybercomedian (under the constitution of this great country), I have a right to free speech; and equally, that you, dear readers, are free either to read my column, or completely disregard it, as suits your fancy. All I have been doing is proclaiming my interest for a certain young woman (who still remains nameless in this column); more to the point, I have not issued threats to either her safety or well-being, and have also ceased to contact her directly. And yet she still accuses me of a crime. This would be despicable if she were a man. But since she isn't, I am not even angry with her. I want to seek her hand all the more.

Undoubtedly frightened by what she sees as weakness in me--the forces of death are always terrified of what they perceive as weakness--she wants to test me, and see if I can withstand a legal barrage of threatened consequences. And I can. She needs to test my strength to determine if I am strong enough to be a suitable candidate for a husband. That is perfectly understandable, even without recourse to the label "evil"--though technically, it is an evil act to falsely accuse someone of a crime. (But I will not prosecute.) You are so cute, my darling, when you falsely accuse me of crimes! It is so adorable!

You put up thick barriers: I've already mentioned this. After what you've now done, can anyone say I was wrong??

I am also right that you take an interest in me. Of course, any offer of either dating or marriage can be refused by you: no one is ever going to force you to date me, marry me, or even have further electronic contact with me. It is all up to you, m'lady. But don't you want me to penetrate your defenses? When I touch you, darling, you will also be allowed to touch me. It must always be a two-way street, and it would be completely alien to who I am to force you to do anything that is against your will. I will simply continue to tell the truth, and wait patiently for you to wake up to my charms--that is, if you haven't started to already!

With love

Robert Robus